Category Archives: Lone Tree’s Musings

Introverted Sensation (Si ) : When Pictures Telling About Something

These picture were snapped at the starting point of Kota Belud Trail…

Damaged Panar LabanB

Damaged Panar Laban2b

Damaged Panar Laban3b

( Credit : Refflisia Putih )

Now they are one of the reasons I did realized about the position of my Introverted Sensing ( Si ) even more. So in an emotionally shocking way.

Before seeing these pictures and other post-earthquake pictures of Panar Laban, the visual image of Panar Laban in my mind is always an ethereal beauty surrounded with clouds and mist. That image are stored in my internal memory storehouse since my first arrival there, something related to Si. Si is a data-storage device like cognitive function. The storage and organisations of all sights, smells, sounds and sensory informations from the past are Si’s job and business. When people talks about Panar Laban and somewhere around Gunting Lagadan Hut, that image will be replaying in my mind as a reaction to it. Just like the first moment I see it. And the image resurfaced again in the same fashion when something else triggered the memory.

And my reaction to it is also visceral.

That is how Si functions in the third preferred function alias the Eternal Child/Puella Aeterna archetype.

When I saw these pictures above, I can’t help from comparing it with the nostalgic images from my memory. The comparison between the current reality and memory from the past filled me with sadness and so a brutally strong reminder of the frailty and non-infallible nature of worldly life that made me feel freezing- everything but Allah Taala must come to an end someday.

Only people with INFP and INTP preferences are having Si in Eternal Child/Puella Aeterna position… So ?

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After About A Bottle Usage : An Honest Review Of Aura Pengasih

AuraCenuai8

Honestly, after using about a bottle of this lovely-scented potion for a month, my Puella Aeterna* secretly wishing that I met this potion when I was still in secondary school. So that I enjoy more peaceful schooltime and adolescent era. And I can avoid the huge blunder that leads me to a wrong way for 20 years.

Somehow we can’t change what had happened, and I am still grateful for having some chances to use Aura Pengasih to assist me in self re-development process.

Here are some other unexpected good things that are happening during and after a month of using it :

1. My impulsive shopping tendency decreased. I am only buying things that I am really need. That is mean I can save more money for something important in the future.

2. Bad days still came in occasionally and so bad feelings, but my reactions to it had changed. I am just owning those feelings instead of being them. There are a huge gap between myself and bad feelings. By having the gap between it, bad feelings are easier to manage even though they are still runs deep.

This is happened not only to me, but were also reported by several users. Some of them simply losing their short-fuse tendency and be able to control their anger/angst as they keep using the potion.

3. I am gradually becoming less active in social media, in comparison to a month before. Not because I turned into anti-social person, but the tendency of getting addicted were decreased as time goes by. Now, I am responding or initiating when I felt really moved to do so, and that just happened occasionally. It leads me to believe that Aura Pengasih potion is possibly useful in addictions management. And maybe that is means a good hope for parents with children who are helplessly get hooked to gadgets and video games.

4. My inner scanning functions- Introverted Feelings (Fi) and Extraverted Intuitions (Ne) getting more alert and sharper. For an example, I started to avoid sounds and musics that are not in harmony with my body vibes. My body keeps telling me that musics that are too loud and too upbeat are bad for my health and well-being.  And I started to get more alert about toxic people/energy vampires !

5. Now, I am happily settle down into the place where I belongs to-Catalyst/Idealist temperament, as I more and more accepting of who I am. I started to see things from the past and present get connected and get clicked. A month before this, I was still confusing about the temperament of my core self.

Well, there are some other many good things happened too but I’d rather keep that private.

After about a bottle of Aura Pengasih potion, I can say that it is worth a try.

Glossary & Postscript :

*Puella Aeterna : http://typeindepth.com/terms-theory/#puer

Here are another post in Malay Language about my experience of using Aura Pengasih in the beginning of a month :

https://heningituindahblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/09/aura-pengasih-untuk-si-introvert-berjiwa-halus/

Finding & Found The Trail Less Hiked – A Brief Journey Chronicle of A Long Lost Catalyst…

BowenTrail

Some parts of Bowen Trail before Sabah Earthquake in 2015 : Named after the pioneering British geologist cum mountaineer who scaled both King George Peak and King Edward Peak in 1950s, this is one of the trails that opens up an adventureous journey to the eastern side of Mount Kinabalu. This trail, like the eastern plateau itself, is the trail less hiked by hikers in comparisons to the infamous Summit Trail. The fate of this trail still unknown after the earthquake happened in 2015.

I never been there, but I noticed some touching, symbolic meanings by just looking from the pictures of it. At the same time I feel a deep connection between this trail and the post that we all read now. Enjoy the reading !

( Credit : Ruhaizad Daud of Beautiful Mount Kinabalu )

A journey to find a genuine congruency between myself & one of the 4 Temperaments really started with an online quiz/test about 4 Temperaments based on the work by Dr. Linda Berens & Dr. Dario Nardi. Even though this quiz/test results is not something to be taken seriously, personally it was the surprisingly a relief moment when all the things that happened in my past got clicked.

I’m neither a Theorist nor an Improviser. And never ever a Stabiliser.

I have lived my life as both Theorist and Improviser wannabe in separate time phases, and honestly felt worthless and empty. In fact I am regretting about letting myself living that way. A Theorist feels that his or her life is worthy to live by gaining knowledge, and an Improviser got the same feeling by making impacts from doing an action. Why I can’t get life satisfaction by getting either two of it ?

Because I’m naturally searching for meanings in life experiences and hidden potentials in individual uniqueness- a sure sign of being a Catalyst.

The clues, so significant but appeared on rare occasions, are from the past; especially the time when I was still a student in SMK Kuhara. I can only share a few of it anyway :

SMKKuharaetawau

( Credit : eTawau )

1. Emotionally gravitated to a chapter of Konsep Kendiri ( self-concept ) and all those similar things taught in KBSM Kemahiran Hidup Bersepadu Pilihan ERT. When I was studying the chapter firstly in Form One class, that was the very first time in my schooling life that I was exposed to something related to self-discovery and clarifications of deeper issues. So happy to learn something that made me understand how people around me and myself tick. I have noticed that I felt lively, and so in focus. And I was actively participting in class, in comparison to Improviser-related chapters or even any other subjects that had been taught at me during that time.

Looking back at it, I believe that this is a sure sign that I am actually a Catalyst who lost in a trail that obviously was not made for her.

2. I was never been happy to be in leading position. Honestly I have an inner desire to be a school prefect for several years, but never been fulfilled for some understandable good reasons. I got the answers that I need when I was in Form Four and was the class monitor on that time, but can’t articulate it in a fully acceptable way until learning about 8 Jungian Cognitive Functions and 4 Temperaments. Class monitor or school prefect type of positions are something that comes naturally to any Stabilisers, but honestly something that I have struggle with.

3. The voluntary involvement in PRS ( Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya alias Peer Friends’ Guides ). When SMK Kuhara started to build a first pioneering batch of PRS group in 1995 and searching for some potential students to fill in the vacancies, I was voluntarily applied the vacancy to Guidance & Counseling Unit. I felt having a strong inner call for it and also felt that my participation in the group will have some benefits at least for myself. Even though PRS rule in the school was not appear powerful nor glamourous like school prefects, class monitors or any powerful-popular positions that available, but I was really enjoying the activities inside the group. Age differences and seniority were not matters, since I felt like in home at every moment. I believe logically that a majority of PRS members in that first batch were Catalysts, because Catalysts are naturally drawn to something like this and I am feel comfortable to be with people from the same temperaments.

PRSCert

4. Love and enjoying to do a self-discovery fun quiz that been held by Madame Chiam ( my lovely English teacher during SPM level time ) in class. I even secretly copied all of the questions and answers into my journaling book, then made another photostated duplicate for future purpose. And I am still having that photostated duplicate right now after losing that journaling book during home-moving process.

5. I love to read the book by Dr. Laurie Nadel and other two co-authors about 6th Sense and developing intuitions that I borrowed from Tawau Public Library and even tried to do all exercises suggested in the book. It was happened in SPM exam season ! A teacher have told me that I should pay attentions more to Science subjects instead of keeping myself busy with outside junks, as a reaction of knowing what I did. Somehow, that was still the effective way for me to release the stress from painful efforts of absorbing and understanding something that I felt not like home. And somehow it was also a thing about me that people around me rarely known about at that time, so I’d rather simply kept myself quiet and smartly managing my time, rather than just thrashing my interest right away.

SixthSenseLaurieNadel

Credit : Amazon.com

Pure Science subjects honestly are the pain at the neck for non-Theorists and my reaction to it was some sort of ‘disassociation’. For example my personal experience of ‘disassociation’ of that time is reading literature books, writing short-stories/mini-novel or doing something that are not related to subjects I learned in schools.

If I am really a Theorist per se, why I kept rebelling, cheating and betraying that identity from time to time ?

Lets say Catalyst temperament is a hiking trail, I have found a trail to hike…

Now I’m realizing that the trail is actually and always there for me to hike it. Somehow I tend to ignore it, and choose to hike other trails even though it costs me my own detriment, because that trail was less hiked and being overshadowed by more popular trails. Anyway, it is still not too late to hike the easier but less hiked trail.

BowenTrail2

Credit : Ruhaizad Daud of Beautiful Mount Kinabalu

End Note : Disclosing about all these things is never easy. Somehow I felt moved to share it this time. Hopefully parents and teachers can have a huge benefit from this, so that their own kids and/or students will not going through what I have gone through before this.
Dr. Linda Berens has an interesting article about Temperaments and life stress in everyday life. Hopefully, by reading it side-by-side with this blog post, we can have a better understanding about this blog post.

http://www.4temperaments.com/Articles/temperament_and_stress.cfm 

Extraverted Sensation : The Moment Of Truth

GuntingLagadahHutTrail

Immediately recognized this as the wooden stairway from Laban Rata to Gunting Lagadan Hut. I was here in March 1998. It is easy to appreciate the physical beauty along this way, somehow something quickly took over the joy and my mind started to dwell into other ideas rather than fully enjoying the beauty I met in present moment. Lack of in-the-moment focus made me missing the bird that was located on the tree until the mountain guide or someone else points it out.

Credit : Refflisia Putih

In the previous post of my journey chronicles in embracing INFP as my best-fit type, I have mentioned that Introverted Sensation ( Si ) is the cognitive function that surprisingly lead me to my findings.

Now it’s the time to reveal another Jungian cognitive functions that confirms INFP as my best type.

It is Extraverted Sensation ( Se ), the opposite of Si.

Heidi Pribe of Thought Catalog describing Se in an easy way to understand :

“ Extroverted sensing is focused on taking in the world as it exists in the present moment. It is highly in tune with the sights, smells, sounds and general physical stimulus that surrounds it. Extroverted sensing lives and thrives in the moment, more so than any other function.”

http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/06/if-youre-confused-about-your-myers-briggs-personality-type-read-this-an-intro-to-cognitive-functions/

In individual with INFP as their best type, Extraverted Sensation ( Se ) is located in the bottom 4 functions. It is located at the 7th position. Dr. John Beebe named and associating this position with an archetype named The Trickster.

Reynard-the-fox

There’re many version of trickster archetype in fictional stories are available to choose from. Somehow I prefer Reynard The Fox to be portrayed inside my post.

Here are an explaination from Eric B explaining about The Trickster from his website. Somehow, it gives me a dizziness bout just for digesting the meaning. However I am still putting it right here for some good reasons that are still unknown to myself.

“ Emotions connected with that of a bad child; either dealing with one, playing tricks and binding the ego, or then being one to get back at or rebel against the threat, will often come through the perspective. Where the Puer tells us what we want to hear, the Trickster tells us what we don’t want to hear! We feel “bound”, and then, in a rebellious fashion, try to turn the tables by using it for deceiving, double-binding, trapping others.”

http://www.erictb.info/archetypes.html

Giving you a dizziness to understand it, don’t you ?

To make it simple, The Trickster fools you to take something and perceive it as something else. And always influencing you in making rebellious children-like rushing decisions that not deserved to be taken seriously and you will regret later on if you follow it. Somehow, it is also brings a sense of humour. In the healthier manner, you can point out how or why someone or something is logically silly or appear like silly. On the other hand, on the social or professional settings, people can also use The Trickster to trip you as well or vice versa.

For INFP-preference individuals, that is means their experience with Se is getting distracted easily when having real-time, in the moment sensory experience. Either their mind wandering into the past or the future, while their physical body still staying in the moment presence. Or external stimulations is the main source that distracts their focus on something. Or always missing the details unless struggling to stay in focus while working on something that needs attention to details. Or maybe a strong tendency of experiencing pareidolia as a enjoyable way of laughing at themselves.

In my case, Se as The Trickster manifested in several ways. For example :

1. My trip to Mount Kinabalu in 1998 is one of the many moments that helped me to recognized how The Trickster manifests itself. How many times it was appeared as the distractions along my hiking journey. Still able to enjoy the beauty of nature but the focus was quickly get diverted into thoughts, nostalgias or day-dreamings. I missed to witness the existence of the near-dry Carson Falls, honestly, in that process. Or simply missed the sacrificing pool near St John’ Peak during the summit attack phase.

Somehow, at that moment Mount Kinabalu also under the influence of the worst El Nino phenomenon in Malaysian history, and most of the iconic plants and herbs were died, and I don’t mind of not seeing them all along the trail.

2. Ops, I used to have a laughable dressing/fashion sense. Many times I wore something that not flatter myself. I was appeared too old, too short or fat. Or appeared silly or boring. Or appeared meek and weak.

One of the factors I failed to win job interviews in the past is because my dressing sense was not impressing or appealing to the interviewers at all. I thought that by dressing like this and like that, I appeared as strong and as powerful job candidate. Somehow, in reality it was not. When I look back at those experience, yes they are simply laughable. I have no choice but to listen to the person who knows better about the style and colours that are in harmony to my natural appearance but not violating Muslims’ dressing code at the same time.

3. Having issue with proof-reading my own writing. Honestly I have to re-edit my blog posts or Facebook status or Facebook responses again and again, several times after straight away posting it online, because I tend to miss many typos and errors. I thought I have seen them all, but when I re-read my own posts online, I’m usually found typos or grammatical errors in it.

4. External stimuli is the main source of distraction when I’m going into creative process of writing something. From my own past experience, I can’t resist the external distractions when I went inside my inner world to get ideas and inspirations. When the distraction sources brought me out to the external world, my creative process got interrupted. Original ideas may either no longer staying just as it is or simply gone for good, when I returned again to the inner world of creativity. As a result, it leads to procrastinations or suspensions of working on creative writing material. Somehow, I am still okay with it most of the time because the new idea that came later on usually getting better than the original one.

5. Honestly I know that my Se is fooling around at me when I misidentified these images as something else at the first glance and it made me smiling or giggling at myself.

catandorangeegglike

Unless I’m looking closely and meticulously at this picture, I’ll always perceive the sleeping cat and the orange as a fried egg !

Credit : metro.co.uk

faceclock

A confused face looking at me. Seriously hillarious alarm clock.

Credit : themarysue.com

FrogInCafeLatte

Froth or Frog ? I see a frog having a glance at me, honestly and almost forgetting that this is just a cup of cappucino…

Credit : likecool.com

By sharing this, hopefully I can help someone to understand how Se works as The Trickster.

Note : Dr Linda Berens from Linda Berens Institute give another view upon Beebe’s model. I understands Beebe’s model even better with her point of view, even though the model example that was used in the article below is INFJ-preference.

http://www.infj.com/BerensOnBeebe.htmhttp://www.infj.com/BerensOnBeebe.htm

INFP And Loving Rain

LoveRain2

Honestly I want to write about this since 2015, somehow things not really falling into places when I started to write it. And so all the ideas still stays inside my heart and mind.

Suddenly this year, I have a hunch to write about INFP and loving-rain tendency again after reading an article written by Marko, an INFJ and a columnist in Introvert Spring website. I think fellow INFPs also want something similar but related to us for an enjoyable self-discovery reading, just like that INFJ-related article. So I’m willing to share my personal experience about loving rain.

Disclaimer : This is maybe not true to some INFPs, just a kind of sharing my personal experiences so that I can help the others to find their true type.

In my context, petrichor or the special fragrance that released by the soil during the first rainfall is the main reason I love rain. That special fresh fragrance penetrating my smelling sense, and few moments later I felt oddly disconnected from the reality. Travelling from here and now reality to another time-space named the beautiful past. I feel like I am that carefree little girl again, who enjoyed the freshness and the coolness of the surrounding air beside Persiaran Traulsen* after enduring an uncomfortably hot and humid mid-day. The sky was grey in colour and a bit darker than before, but to her it was always does not mean sadness and tragic. That little girl has learned from the previous rainy day experience, how is romantic and blithe looks like before learning and knowing the meaning of that two words, and connecting it with her personal experiences. By being her once more, I am forgetting the stressful things that made me feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated, so immersed in the joy as long as I can before being jolted to entire body when someone touching my shoulder or calling my name.

Rainfall

The smell of rainfall not only awakening the beautiful memories of enjoying rainfalls in my childhood but also rainfall-related beautiful memories happened in some other time in my past.

In Jungian 8-Cognitive Functions model concept, it is my Introverted Sensing (Si) function that was in action at that time. The sensory experience ( the smell of the rainfalls ) brought back emotional memories of the past that are filtered through the simple mind and heart of a child, as Ken Cerney have explained in his blog post.

Rainfall is not only a moment when I am immersed in the nostalgia of the past, but another essential clue that leads me to embrace INFP as my best-fit Jungian Type.

* Persiaran Traulsen- A famous esplanade in Tawau Town, Sabah.

https://foursquare.com/v/persiaran-traulsen/4d7f357a3e50b1f79d45d8d3

Intraverted Sensation : The Main Reason For Embracing INFP Preferences.

witnessingthesungunungpulut

Credit : RuQayya Make Up

Honestly, I never taken official MBTI test. Online ‘MBTI’ tests always showing that I tend to have INFP preferences. Honestly, I have doubts and dispute about it many times. Sometimes I think I’m more an INFJ and sometimes I’m thinking that I’m more to ENFP.

But why I’m still thinking that INFP is my best true type and embrace it ?

I got the courage after reading and knowing Beebe’s 8 functions model approach to Type Dynamics that based on the work of Carl Jung. And so grateful to read materials that were written by Vicky Jo Varner and Ken Cerney- a man with INFP as his true type. And so, quickly recognizing the things that their wrote in my own personal tendencies.

Honestly, Intraverted Sensation ( Si ) is the function that surprisingly lead me to my findings. When I found out about this one, I started to see how the other functions appears in my life. And so far they are so true !

In the case of a person of with INFP true type, Si is located on the third function. In Beebe’s Jungian 8 Function model, the third function is called either Puer, Puella or Eternal Child. That is means my Si is ranked the third on Top 4 functions ( the 4 natural functions ).

Introverted Sensing isn’t simply about remembering something; it’s about recalling an experience in every way — actually re-living it as if it is happening again for the first time.”, Vicky Jo Varner explaining something significant about Si in her website infjorinfp.com. When Si is ranked the third in Top 4 functions, the recalling experience has an innocent, fresh and childlike quality. That is also means I have an emotional relief by enjoying the nostalgia of sweet memories, especially my childhood memories as an easiest way to retreat from stressful life trials.

This is very true in many cases, I’ll be glad to share several of them in this post :

1. The strong emotional attachment with the past.

2. The tendency of visiting the same places frequently

3. Any present sensory experiences always re-living the past experiences.

4. It’s so hard to throw away old stuff.

5. My frame of reference begin with yesterday then comparing with what had changed now…

kinabalusunrise

Credit : Nurul Najwa

1. The strong emotional attachment with the past.

Honestly I have a tendency of spending time dwelling on Memory Lane. That leads me to the tendency of enjoying telling tales from the past – writing it either in flashback technique or a la memoir. Some of the frequent followers of this blog or fellow members of certain Facebook groups will realized and noted this personal tendency from the content of my blog posts.

2. The tendency of visiting the same places frequently

I have this tendency and realized it simply by realizing that I still have a strong desire to re-hike Mount Kinabalu, even after the tragic earthquake that shook Sabah at June 5th 2015. By doing a re-hiking someday in the future, hopefully I can let my mind mesmerizing the sweet memories from previous hiking experience. Honestly, I have the same tendency during my first hiking in 1998. At that time, witnessing the beauty of it in when walking through the jungle and alpine rocks trail reminded me of my childhood dream that sparked after watching a documentary about Mount Kinabalu that was aired on TV Pendidikan.

It is not happened only to Mount Kinabalu but some other places including Tawau-my adopted hometown for 19 years.

3. Any present sensory experiences always re-living the past experiences.

The smell of rainfall or any sensory experiences in the present time awakening the beautiful memories either in my childhood or some other time in my past. I’ll not eleborate this because I’ll plan to develop a single blog post about INFP and the affiliations towards rainfalls in the future which are related to this.

4. It’s so hard to throw away old stuff.

Lets this picture telling the truth.

quongmingmemorabilia

Some of you may have seen this on another blog post. For the newcomers, this is simply some of many memorabilias from my pasts that survived years of decluttering processes. They have age range from 20-25 years old or maybe older than that.

Honestly, I have difficulties of doing decluttering because of strong emotional attachments with old things that remind me of those good old days.

5. My frame of reference begin with yesterday then comparing with what had changed now.

I did realized about this when I have mini school reunions with my ex-classmates twice. When I saw my ex-classmates, I can’t help from comparing what I did saw just now with the mental images I have in my memory, and I feel an astonising wow with every findings.

Having Si as the third functions also means I am sensitive and aware that something is going on with my body, including my inner feelings/mood. It can appear as illness, allergies or pains.

For this blog post however I’ll not including the dark side of having Si as the third natural function even though I know how true it is. Anyone can have a further reading on all or any links that enclosed below to explore that ‘dark side’.

doraemonmesinmasa

Doraemon’s Time Machine : This is a how Si or Introverted Sense as Puer, Puella or Eternal Child make sense to me.

Credit : Muhamad Ali Hanafiah

Further reading :

1. http://www.erictb.info/archetypes.html
2. http://functionsarchetypes.blogspot.my
3. http://infjorinfp.com/docs/TertiaryTalk.htm
4. http://www.interstrength.com/content/how_to_tell_intuiting_from_extraverted_sensing

5.http://infjorinfp.com/docs/TertiaryRedux.htm 

Another Introverts’ Haven II

librarybandartawau

Kredit : Photo by CEphoto, Uwe Aranas / CC-BY-SA-3.0

One of the essential clue that made me realize of my introvert nature is my affiliation on libraries.

And I consider Tawau Public Library as another introverts’ haven.

I spent most of my adolescent period in Tawau. During that period, Tawau Public Library was among my favorite outlets during my solo outings in Saturday. And I consider that as the best days that I have, since I recognized adolescent time as typically and naturally the most difficult time for introverted HSP individuals and Saturdays are the best time for me to recharge and unplug myself.

And the cost for doing a solo introvert outing in Tawau around 1990s was basically less than RM10- that includes bus fares, a plate of Nasi Bambong or Bihun Goreng with an egg, and not forget some little fancy stationery stuff from either Quong Ming Bookstores or exclusive gift shops in Tawau occasionally.

I started to be a library-goer since the second half of 1992, when Tawau Public Library was still located in Wisma Pelabuhan-that in opposite of Padang Bandaran Tawau. During that time, I was just borrowing books from the library for home-reading. Somehow, I was only started to do hours-long stay in the library- for an exclusive studying experience- in 1993, after receiving influences from fellow friends and my longing for a place where I can concentrate on my study without being overwhelmed by overstimulations. When Tawau Public Library was moved to its own beautiful building at Sabindo area around the end of 1993, my Saturday outing-studying routine also started to have some elements of ‘guilty pleasures’ in it. And I even came to the library occasionally on weekdays during SPM season.

librarytawau1

Somewhere on Reference & Informations Section on the first floor. This is the place where I was doing my exclusive solo studying session. Somehow this is not my favorite spot since I can’t study privately. But what can I choose when I came at the peak day of the week ? Anyway it was a lot better to study critical subjects right here than studying in a noisy home with lots of distractions, when you are not afford to pay that expensive tuition class tutor fees.

Credit : Foursquare

This new location and building allowed me to have my best ‘me time’ when felt overwhelmed by multiple stimulations. Saturday was considered as the peak day of the week-students from various schools of Tawau came to flood the Library for many good reasons. When I was simply get overwhelmed by some overloads on my nervous system,  I chose to have a simple decompression by looking at beautiful Sulawesi Sea view either from the unique round windows of reading section or just simply went out from the building, crossing the road and went to Persiaran Traulsen esplanade behind it. Or just simply sitting down and looking at the beautiful plants in the beautiful garden inside the building.

My decision to have a exclusive Saturday studying sessions in this library is one of the reasons for my fateful results in both PMR and SPM examinations.

librarytawau2

Another Place On The Same Building: Reading Section area of Tawau Public Library. Also my favorite place where I borrowed some ‘good foods’ for mind and heart.

Credit : Foursquare

And Tawau Public Library is the place where my passions for writing ( not surprisingly one of introverts’ favorite activity ) blossomed. I borrowed and read some best books from this place and the big name like Anwar Ridhwan ( Dato’ ), Shahnon Ahmad ( Dato’ ), Arenawati ( Allahyarham ), Othman Puteh ( Allahyarham ), Hashida Sugako, Pandir Kelana, Pearl S. Buck, Freddy. S, Elie Wiesel, Khairuddin Ayip, Mohd. Ismail Sarbini ( Allahyarham ), Mokjamos and much more staying in my heart and mind from then till now. The authors of those books had a huge contributions in what I am today and what have you read in this blog.

Even though I’m no longer a Tawau resident, my affiliation for libraries is remain until this day…

totto-chanbuku

One of my favorite books during my adolescene days and I never know this good book is existed if I never came to Tawau Public Library. A Japanese to Malay translation book written that told me about a true story of Totto-Chan, a Japanese girl who attend Tomoe Gakuen, an unique elementary school which was so different from the mainstream education system on pre-WWII era. This unique school was built from an old train coach and Totto-Chan schooling experiences wouldn’t be the same again after attending Tomoe Gakuen.

Credit : Facebook

Another Introverts’ Havens…

tawau_sabah_masjid-bandar-lama-02

Credit : Photo by CEphoto, Uwe Aranas

The energy level of an introvert is depending closely to his or her environment. He or she feels more energetic when alone or in 5-6 people small group rather than in the larger group. And introverts has more energy when they are at the places where they feel comfortable or the places that have just the right ambiance.

That’s what I learned from Jane Grennemann of Introvert, Dear and validated by my own personal experiences in various environments/places.

On previous musings posts, I have mentioned Gunting Lagadan Hut ( Series I & II ) as introverts’ haven. This time and from my experiences when I was still a Tawau resident, I can say that Masjid Lama Bandar Tawau or Masjid Jamek Waqaf Ahmad Bin Daeng Mapata is another places that I consider as introverts’ haven.

This historical mosque not only a place for performing the salat fardhu when I worked or have an outing at Bandar Tawau but also a serene place where I both unplugged and recharged myself from all overstimulations I experienced anywhere. The exclusive women area is located at the top floor. There’re a walkway balcony where you can smell the breeze of Laut Sulawesi when the wind blows and to see or photographing some of places in Tawau from comfortably higher view. This mosque is one of the places where I can socialize with people without feeling spacey or experiencing an energy draining from overstimulations. I can went home without collapsing after arriving on my bedroom.

I’m dearly missed this mosque so much after moving out outside Tawau. Doing an outing are always exhausting and energy-draining experiences, unless if I can found a serene place like Masjid Lama Bandar Tawau to pray-to unplug and to recharge.

Meanwhile, it is not unusual to find that the religious and conservative introverts choosing their worship places as their introverts’ haven, no matter what religion they are.

Lovely Notes To Anggerek Ungu

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Note : The drive to write a creative writing works came back. This is simply a creative writing work in a form of an informal email notes from a good high school friend to another good high school friend who is separated by thousand miles distance. This lovely notes based on a theme/topic that very familiar to us nowadays. Simply airing a thought about social media and friendship, from Highly Sensitive Person’s point of view.

Assalamualaikum,

Dear Anggerek Ungu,

Thanks for the concerns. I’m sorry that you’re so worrying that something may have happened to me. Hopefully this email reply can give you the certain answer and you can feel good again, In Sha Allah. Actually, I never block you in Facebook at all. I’m just simply deactivate my Facebook account, perhaps, for around two weeks time. You can check your Facebook Messenger, if you have one. I’m still there. We can set an appropriate time to chat or simply leave a message for me to read it later, if you really missing me so much or there’re any good news you wanted to share.

I’m simply needing and wanting some unplugging time. To recharge and saving my own energy. Be more calm and relax. So that I can keep myself sane and keep enjoying the good relationships with other people.

We both know that I have a sensitive nervous system that can be easily overwhelmed by overstimulations. And lately, I found out that I can’t handle news feedbacks from friends and acquaintances well, even though the things that they posted were positive stuff.

There’re something more…

Anggerek, I’m actually respecting their right to post the things they want to post on their own wall and happy to know good things happening on them, while on the same time I want to stay away from the things that tempting and pushing me to value my self-worth based on salary numbers, material possessions, numbers in my bank account and so and so. Valuing ourselves based on that kind of measurement only creating negative and unhealthy outcomes, my friend… Inside and out for sure.

That’s all for now. Stay calm and relax…

Wassalam…

Hugs !

Melati Putih

The Downfall of Self-Esteem Glorification

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Credit : Soberistas

“ Any effort that has self-glorification as its final endpoint is bound to end in disaster. Now we’re paying the price. When you try to climb a mountain to prove how big you are, you almost never make it. And even if you do it’s a hollow victory. In order to sustain the victory you have to prove yourself again and again in some other way, and again and again and again, driven forever to fill a false image, haunted by the fear that the image is not true and someone will find out. That’s never the way.”

The paragraph from Part 3, Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintainance by Robert M. Pirsig kept boogling into my mind as there’re more online daredevil actions went into viral fame following the infamous case of several female youngsters climbed on a signboard of one of the famous city in Malaysia.

In my honest opinion, their actions appears as an effort with obvious elements of self-glorification. ‘Made a big ego thing out of the whole outdoor experience’, as Robert M. Pirsig has said.

Is this the highest price to pay for introducing and cultivating the idea that our self-esteem are more important than self-compassion into our culture ?

As I read through an article about self-esteem and self-compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff, the same question came across my mind. Her article is an interesting discussion about both things, specifically about how and why she is suggesting that we should stop chasing self-esteem and start developing self-compassion.

Her article is something worth to read. If anyone interesting to see the downfall of boosting self-esteem, here are the link to her article :

http://self-compassion.org/why-we-should-stop-chasing-self-esteem-and-start-developing-self-compassion/

I agree with Dr. Kristin Neff, even though she wrote that article based on The U.S cultural context. In global level nowadays, more and more younger people falling into narcissism/self-loathing trap or at least feeling better about themselves with the need of feeling better than the others.

The local videos and picture(s) of risky behaviors that went viral and my own personal journey in Malay Literature world in the past are the strong evidence of what had happened when we put self-esteem more important than self-compassion.

In my case, I need to acknowledge selfless efforts of mountain guides of Mount Kinabalu during June 5th earthquake tragedy to save myself from narcissism/self-loathing trap.

Now, it is the time to stop chasing self-esteem like the mouse running inside the wheel just for chasing the cheese. Malaysian culture is originally based on humbleness and selfless traditions, and if it is a harmonious and beautiful painting, so chasing self-esteem ala Western block is like adding a colour that creates disharmony in the painting.