It is not easy for me to disclose the actual things behind my retirement from writing Malay Creative Writing/Literature works. Somehow I feel moved to share some of the important lessons in two separate posts. In the first post, I’ll share about an interesting findings after reading several Traditional Chinese Medicine articles written by the practitioners. It is about Hot Palm – a health warning sign that became more and more obvious during my active involvement in Malay Creative Writing/Literature. Due to the lack of knowledge and awareness, I became ignorant and so, it leads to the deteriorations of my health conditions in 2012. As a result, my productivity depleted dramatically and many more, and so I quit officially in 2014. Hopefully these two posts can help my fellow writers to realize the importance of self-care, and so, surviving from the grip of writer’s block and burnout.
I’m gravitated towards Traditional Chinese Medicine and other alternative way of self-care, since realizing that I have obvious over-reactive reactions to many modern medical drugs and chemicals. Reading writings from any Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioners are an eye-opening experiences, especially so when I read about any topics that related to my health issues.
Hot palms ( with sweats ) occasionally happening on myself for more than several years since I was a teenager. And those episodes were happened when I experienced the lowest of the lows. For a sudden, I got a very logical explanation of super-enormous burnout episode around 2012-2014 that lead me to my early retirement from Malay Creative Writing/Literature world. Before that, I thought that my decision are entirely driven by negative feelings and emotions. But now, by joining the dots from my self-discovery journey as an Idealist/Catalyst and exploring on best possible solutions for my own health in Traditional Chinese Medicine path, I know that I was solely motivated by intuitively trusting my own body wisdom for survival and that was the best decision on that moment.
It is also one of the sure signs that an individual is experiencing exhaustion and burnout. My sign of writer’s burnout were manifested as early as 2010-2011. My hand palms were hot enough to melt a small bar of chocolate in my grip for several minutes ! My body called me for help, but I ignored how important it was due to a combination of blind stubborness, being cocky and lack of knowledge and awareness. As a result, I have to take a dramatic and radical decision when the things went too far.
Writer’s Burnout And Self-Care
Retirement is not an absolute solution to writer’s burnout. It is only serves as a last resort. I took that decision after realizing that pursuing in Malay Creative Writing/Literature was no longer meaningful and it was obviously destroying me inside and out, sooner or later. Other good or better possible solutions to writer’s burnout are still available, especially when it is still in the early stage when a writer just only experiencing hot palms.
In my honest two cents, the best way to solve it in early stage is by doing some acupuncture or acupressure sessions and combining it with some spiritual activities like praying or reciting Holy Scriptures. And doing flower bath or rock salt bath for several weeks as an additional activity is also very helpful by Allah’s Power and Permission.
Acupuncture sessions must be done by a pro by appointments, but we can do our own acupressure massage sessions at home.
There are three places to four acupressure spots that we can apply some deary massages when we are experiencing hot palms. Honestly, it can reduce the hotness and so, that hand sweats.
The first two spots ( heart-related HT7 and HT8 ) are shown in the first picture :
And the other two ( PC6 and PC8 ) are shown in picture below :
We can put essential oils at the massaging spot before massaging/kneading it, to make the experience more delight and meaningful. I choose white musk oil from Haruman Luqman.
Experiencing the difference in one or two days.
For those who are interested to go for some further reading, here are two interesting articles written by the practioners:
Cik Kura-Kura ( di kanan dan begitu tersorok ), dalam gambar lama yang diambil pada tahun 2012.
Penulisan blog Suara JiwaHalus disambung semula setelah beberapa bulan terhenti akibat status damage beyond repair yang dialami komputer riba penulis.
Semuanya dengan asbab jasa dan khidmat sebuah komputer netbook lama jenis Acer Aspire One yang diberi nama Cik Kura-Kura.
Cik Kura-Kura bukanlah sesuatu yang baharu dalam ingatan penulis. Cik Kura-Kura adalah sebuah komputer pinjam yang wujud sejak tahun 2010, ketika penulis masih aktif di dunia sastera yang telah penulis tinggalkan. Banyak kenangan yang telah dilalui bersama-samanya. tempat penulis pernah menggarap beberapa karya kreatif termasuk novel ‘Mencabik Mendung Di Langit Kelabu’. Bahkan Cik Kura-Kura juga adalah komputer awal yang menyaksikan penulis menulis beberapa buah blog WordPress sebelum Suara JiwaHalus, sebelum blog-blog tersebut ditamatkan riwayatnya.
Cik Kura-Kura akan menjadi pengganti sementara sehinggalah penulis direzekikan dengan hadirnya pengganti kepada komputer riba yang rosak. Namun, kerana faktor usia dan keuzurannya, penulis tidak akan memblog sekerap dahulu.
( Kredit : Jimmy Art’s Drawing )
Pasti ada di kalangan pembaca/pelawat Generasi X-Y yang tersenyum-senyum sendiri melihat lukisan kartun di atas.
Memori tentang buku diari wangi tiba-tiba bermunculan ketika menghidu haruman Mekar Selasih dari Haruman Luqman. Baunya yang seperti gabungan wangian Morning Mist dan manis-manis buah agak hampir dengan bau buku diari yang dikeluarkan oleh Syarikat Golden Tiger dari Taiwan. Buku diari yang paling penulis minati dan ingati bukan hanya kerana harumannya semata-mata, tetapi rekaan grafiknya yang berciri classic naive art ala-ala kartun Peter Rabbit dan The Little House Of Prairie begitu.
Bukan syarikat Golden Tiger sahaja yang mengeluarkan buku diari wangi, malah ada beberapa buah syarikat dari Taiwan serta Jepun yang membuat dan mengedarkan buku yang sama. Syarikat lain yang penulis ingat adalah Shinn Jee Corporation, Flomo dan Kutsuwa.
Rekaan grafik buku diari harum tidak terhad kepada gambar kartun tetapi ada juga yang bergambar bunga-bungaan dan sebagainya. Wangian dari setiap buku adalah berbeza. Ada juga yang mempunyai kunci dan anak kunci.
Rekaan layout yang mungkin terdapat dalam buku diari wangi.
Kredit : Pixabay
Sepanjang ingatan penulis, walaupun ia disebut-sebut di kalangan rakan-kenalan zaman persekolahan dahulu sebagai buku dairi, buku ini tidak berfungsi sebagai buku diari yang sebenar. Tetapi ia berfungsi sebagai buku autograph dan buku yang menyimpan catatan biodata dan alamat rakan-rakan di sekolah dalam masa yang sama. Lazimnya, buku ini diisi oleh rakan-rakan dan kenalan sekelas atau setingkatan ketika tahun akhir persekolahan. Tanda kenang-kenangan sebelum berpisah arah. Biasanya ada gambar yang disertakan bersama catatan tersebut. Kadang-kadang ada pantun, sajak, lukisan doodle atau macam-macam lagi sesuai dengan daya kreativiti orang yang mengisi ‘buku diari’ tersebut.
Contoh isi yang boleh anda jangkakan dari sebuah ‘buku diari’. Tapi sesuaikah kata nama ‘buku diari’ itu dengan apa yang tertulis di dalamnya ?
©2017 Suara JiwaHalus Graphic Designing
Mungkin ada kata nama yang lebih sesuai untuknya, tetapi tidak terlintas langsung di hati atau fikiran penulis pada masa tersebut. Dan hingga sekarang penulis tidak tahu kata nama apa yang lebih sesuai untuk buku itu.
Apapun, buku ‘diari’ sudah menjadi salah satu daripada kenangan zaman persekolahan golongan Generasi X dan Generasi Y.
( Credit : Koleksi Peribadi Jimmy Art )
These picture were snapped at the starting point of Kota Belud Trail…
( Credit : Refflisia Putih )
Now they are one of the reasons I did realized about the position of my Introverted Sensing ( Si ) even more. So in an emotionally shocking way.
Before seeing these pictures and other post-earthquake pictures of Panar Laban, the visual image of Panar Laban in my mind is always an ethereal beauty surrounded with clouds and mist. That image are stored in my internal memory storehouse since my first arrival there, something related to Si. Si is a data-storage device like cognitive function. The storage and organisations of all sights, smells, sounds and sensory informations from the past are Si’s job and business. When people talks about Panar Laban and somewhere around Gunting Lagadan Hut, that image will be replaying in my mind as a reaction to it. Just like the first moment I see it. And the image resurfaced again in the same fashion when something else triggered the memory.
And my reaction to it is also visceral.
That is how Si functions in the third preferred function alias the Eternal Child/Puella Aeterna archetype.
When I saw these pictures above, I can’t help from comparing it with the nostalgic images from my memory. The comparison between the current reality and memory from the past filled me with sadness and so a brutally strong reminder of the frailty and non-infallible nature of worldly life that made me feel freezing- everything but Allah Taala must come to an end someday.
Only people with INFP and INTP preferences are having Si in Eternal Child/Puella Aeterna position… So ?
Honestly, after using about a bottle of this lovely-scented potion for a month, my Puella Aeterna* secretly wishing that I met this potion when I was still in secondary school. So that I enjoy more peaceful schooltime and adolescent era. And I can avoid the huge blunder that leads me to a wrong way for 20 years.
Somehow we can’t change what had happened, and I am still grateful for having some chances to use Aura Pengasih to assist me in self re-development process.
Here are some other unexpected good things that are happening during and after a month of using it :
1. My impulsive shopping tendency decreased. I am only buying things that I am really need. That is mean I can save more money for something important in the future.
2. Bad days still came in occasionally and so bad feelings, but my reactions to it had changed. I am just owning those feelings instead of being them. There are a huge gap between myself and bad feelings. By having the gap between it, bad feelings are easier to manage even though they are still runs deep.
This is happened not only to me, but were also reported by several users. Some of them simply losing their short-fuse tendency and be able to control their anger/angst as they keep using the potion.
3. I am gradually becoming less active in social media, in comparison to a month before. Not because I turned into anti-social person, but the tendency of getting addicted were decreased as time goes by. Now, I am responding or initiating when I felt really moved to do so, and that just happened occasionally. It leads me to believe that Aura Pengasih potion is possibly useful in addictions management. And maybe that is means a good hope for parents with children who are helplessly get hooked to gadgets and video games.
4. My inner scanning functions- Introverted Feelings (Fi) and Extraverted Intuitions (Ne) getting more alert and sharper. For an example, I started to avoid sounds and musics that are not in harmony with my body vibes. My body keeps telling me that musics that are too loud and too upbeat are bad for my health and well-being. And I started to get more alert about toxic people/energy vampires !
5. Now, I am happily settle down into the place where I belongs to-Catalyst/Idealist temperament, as I more and more accepting of who I am. I started to see things from the past and present get connected and get clicked. A month before this, I was still confusing about the temperament of my core self.
Well, there are some other many good things happened too but I’d rather keep that private.
After about a bottle of Aura Pengasih potion, I can say that it is worth a try.
Glossary & Postscript :
*Puella Aeterna : http://typeindepth.com/terms-theory/#puer
Here are another post in Malay Language about my experience of using Aura Pengasih in the beginning of a month :
Nota : Ini merupakan blog post yang pertama setelah kembali semula ke OS Windows bermula 1 April yang lepas.
Some parts of Bowen Trail before Sabah Earthquake in 2015 : Named after the pioneering British geologist cum mountaineer who scaled both King George Peak and King Edward Peak in 1950s, this is one of the trails that opens up an adventureous journey to the eastern side of Mount Kinabalu. This trail, like the eastern plateau itself, is the trail less hiked by hikers in comparisons to the infamous Summit Trail. The fate of this trail still unknown after the earthquake happened in 2015.
I never been there, but I noticed some touching, symbolic meanings by just looking from the pictures of it. At the same time I feel a deep connection between this trail and the post that we all read now. Enjoy the reading !
( Credit : Ruhaizad Daud of Beautiful Mount Kinabalu )
A journey to find a genuine congruency between myself & one of the 4 Temperaments really started with an online quiz/test about 4 Temperaments based on the work by Dr. Linda Berens & Dr. Dario Nardi. Even though this quiz/test results is not something to be taken seriously, personally it was the surprisingly a relief moment when all the things that happened in my past got clicked.
I’m neither a Theorist nor an Improviser. And never ever a Stabiliser.
I have lived my life as both Theorist and Improviser wannabe in separate time phases, and honestly felt worthless and empty. In fact I am regretting about letting myself living that way. A Theorist feels that his or her life is worthy to live by gaining knowledge, and an Improviser got the same feeling by making impacts from doing an action. Why I can’t get life satisfaction by getting either two of it ?
Because I’m naturally searching for meanings in life experiences and hidden potentials in individual uniqueness- a sure sign of being a Catalyst.
The clues, so significant but appeared on rare occasions, are from the past; especially the time when I was still a student in SMK Kuhara. I can only share a few of it anyway :
( Credit : eTawau )
1. Emotionally gravitated to a chapter of Konsep Kendiri ( self-concept ) and all those similar things taught in KBSM Kemahiran Hidup Bersepadu Pilihan ERT. When I was studying the chapter firstly in Form One class, that was the very first time in my schooling life that I was exposed to something related to self-discovery and clarifications of deeper issues. So happy to learn something that made me understand how people around me and myself tick. I have noticed that I felt lively, and so in focus. And I was actively participting in class, in comparison to Improviser-related chapters or even any other subjects that had been taught at me during that time.
Looking back at it, I believe that this is a sure sign that I am actually a Catalyst who lost in a trail that obviously was not made for her.
2. I was never been happy to be in leading position. Honestly I have an inner desire to be a school prefect for several years, but never been fulfilled for some understandable good reasons. I got the answers that I need when I was in Form Four and was the class monitor on that time, but can’t articulate it in a fully acceptable way until learning about 8 Jungian Cognitive Functions and 4 Temperaments. Class monitor or school prefect type of positions are something that comes naturally to any Stabilisers, but honestly something that I have struggle with.
3. The voluntary involvement in PRS ( Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya alias Peer Friends’ Guides ). When SMK Kuhara started to build a first pioneering batch of PRS group in 1995 and searching for some potential students to fill in the vacancies, I was voluntarily applied the vacancy to Guidance & Counseling Unit. I felt having a strong inner call for it and also felt that my participation in the group will have some benefits at least for myself. Even though PRS rule in the school was not appear powerful nor glamourous like school prefects, class monitors or any powerful-popular positions that available, but I was really enjoying the activities inside the group. Age differences and seniority were not matters, since I felt like in home at every moment. I believe logically that a majority of PRS members in that first batch were Catalysts, because Catalysts are naturally drawn to something like this and I am feel comfortable to be with people from the same temperaments.
4. Love and enjoying to do a self-discovery fun quiz that been held by Madame Chiam ( my lovely English teacher during SPM level time ) in class. I even secretly copied all of the questions and answers into my journaling book, then made another photostated duplicate for future purpose. And I am still having that photostated duplicate right now after losing that journaling book during home-moving process.
5. I love to read the book by Dr. Laurie Nadel and other two co-authors about 6th Sense and developing intuitions that I borrowed from Tawau Public Library and even tried to do all exercises suggested in the book. It was happened in SPM exam season ! A teacher have told me that I should pay attentions more to Science subjects instead of keeping myself busy with outside junks, as a reaction of knowing what I did. Somehow, that was still the effective way for me to release the stress from painful efforts of absorbing and understanding something that I felt not like home. And somehow it was also a thing about me that people around me rarely known about at that time, so I’d rather simply kept myself quiet and smartly managing my time, rather than just thrashing my interest right away.
Credit : Amazon.com
Pure Science subjects honestly are the pain at the neck for non-Theorists and my reaction to it was some sort of ‘disassociation’. For example my personal experience of ‘disassociation’ of that time is reading literature books, writing short-stories/mini-novel or doing something that are not related to subjects I learned in schools.
If I am really a Theorist per se, why I kept rebelling, cheating and betraying that identity from time to time ?
Lets say Catalyst temperament is a hiking trail, I have found a trail to hike…
Now I’m realizing that the trail is actually and always there for me to hike it. Somehow I tend to ignore it, and choose to hike other trails even though it costs me my own detriment, because that trail was less hiked and being overshadowed by more popular trails. Anyway, it is still not too late to hike the easier but less hiked trail.
Credit : Ruhaizad Daud of Beautiful Mount Kinabalu
End Note : Disclosing about all these things is never easy. Somehow I felt moved to share it this time. Hopefully parents and teachers can have a huge benefit from this, so that their own kids and/or students will not going through what I have gone through before this.
Dr. Linda Berens has an interesting article about Temperaments and life stress in everyday life. Hopefully, by reading it side-by-side with this blog post, we can have a better understanding about this blog post.